Listening to signals

My body is sending me a chorus of signals. I was born under the astrological sign of cancer,which is a water sign. The ocean is calling.

I've written in the past about my toenails, how they get banged and bruised from skiing. In what is becoming a spring rite, I have a toenail that is about to fall off. The fact that it is just one toenail is good. For the past four seasons, I've lost both my big toenails. The timing is ironic in that the bruising happens in early winter and the loosening of the injured toenail occurs in early spring. It's almost like I am shedding my winter's shell and emerging raw and vulnerable to spring's growth.

I've also been feeling dehydrated this past week, so I drank more water, more gatorade, and ate salty foods. What's ironic about this timing is that I was less active last week than I have been in four months. The ski hill where I taught on weekdays is closed so my only skiing was on the weekend. I would have thought that I would feel thirst earlier in the season, not last week. Most likely, though, I was thirsty and dehydrated previously. I just didn't give myself the time to notice. Last week I had more time and I noticed. Today's lunch shows that I hunger for spring. I was drawn to spinach, avocados, blueberries, strawberries, and cashews. I dressed the salad in raspberry walnut vinaigrette. I had an orange for dessert so I got almost all my fruit and veggie colours. The natural fruit and vegetables satisfied my craving more than any of the gatorade or vitamin fortified water out there.

It's not just my toe and thirst that are signalling me. I have a sore lower back. I know this is a common ailment but it is new to me. I feel fine when I look straight ahead. Twisting and turning is what causes discomfort. So for now, I am not twisting and turning. I need to stay on my current straight path. I also suspect that my sore back relates to the anniversary of my mother's death. My back feels better and worse when I suck my core in. I am still holding something in. The release is imminent.

Treating my toe, my thirst, and sore back reminds me of a quote from Isak Dinesen. "Do you know a cure for me? Why yes, he said, I know a cure for everything. Salt water. Salt water? I asked him. Yes, he said, in one form or another, sweat, tears or the salt sea". My mother lived near the ocean during all of her adult life. After her funeral, my brothers and I dove into the cleansing crashing waves of the Atlantic and body surfed. We had not played, the three of us together, in the ocean like that since we were kids. The healing comes from the salt, tides, sand, and all the other magical properties of the sea.

I am thousands of miles from the ocean. I know when I next visit it, the smells will bring tears to my eyes and salt will bring clarity to my vision. In the meantime, I hearken to the signals my body is sending me by soaking in epsom salts, to soften my toenail, to soothe my back, to relieve my thirst. I will visit the ocean soon but I know my mother, brothers and I were all blessed to live near it. As Rachel Carson said: "Those who dwell, as scientists or laymen, among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life. "