Patience

Certain words irk me. Patience is one of those words. I hate being told to have it and I hate being told that I have it. Either way it irks me.

I have been home from skiing in Chile for nearly three weeks and my knees are still sore. I know that I am lucky that my knees are as good as they are, but I am impatient for them to get better. The problem is nothing that I do will help. In fact, most of what I do harms. So, I must be patient and allow time and gentle stretching to loosen and heal tight muscles, ligaments and tendons. Heat and rest also speed recovery but I am impatient.

The first night that I was home from Chile, I was so sore that I climbed up the stairs using my hands and knees like a toddler. I knew that my calves were tight but I thought I was stretching them every night. I suspect the issue is that I skied for eight days in summer and then sat, with my knees bent, on a plane or bus during the twenty-four hour trip from El Colorado, Chile to home in Edmonton.

I expected that, once I got back to yoga, I would loosen up quickly. For the first day, I focused on locking my knees, even when just standing. This proved to be a challenge, and I realized that it would take more than a day to loosen. There was a lesson for my ego as well. I began Bikram yoga seven years ago, and one of the first poses for me to relax into - Fixed Firm - suddenly was hard. My knees and ankles did not yield when I asked. I sat up and leaned forward. I could not do what I was used to doing. My ego wanted to yell out " this is usually a piece of cake for me... I am just stiff today", but I did not yell out. Part of yoga is learning to put my ego aside and do what I can in any moment.

I am generally patient. I have learned to persevere in difficult circumstances. I do not often respond in immediate anger when provoked. Part of patience is learning when to act and when to let things evolve. I suspect that I am currently impatient because, for so many years I was overly patient. My patience reserves are out of balance.

There are so many inspiring quotes about patience being a virtue that I feel "un- virtuous" by proposing that there ever can be too much patience. So, I scanned quotes and found a few:

• "I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.” - Lao Tzu
• “Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”
• Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead. ~Mac McCleary
  
• "Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.” - Victor Hugo

And, ah ha...perhaps my patience reserves are not truly out of balance. It is not patience that irks me. It is my own self-talk. Patience comes from within, and the reason that I dislike being told that I am patient (or impatient) is the perceived external judgment of others and the internal judgment of my ego. Sore knees don't even qualify as a small sorrow so I will go to sleep grateful for the trip that I took, grateful for my strong body, and grateful for my (over)active mind.

Namaste,
Ginny