The holidays are almost over. One of my daughters is heading back to her university today; the other leaves on Monday. I found that my emotions over the past weeks were complex and many-layered. Certainly,I felt more sadness and frustration than I have in a long time. The events of the month were not the cause of some of my unhappy emotions; my thoughts were. Even as I struggled to re-frame my thoughts, I was aware of many moments in which I experienced joy, gratitude or peace. One of the things that I am learning is that I can hold several emotions within me at the same time and they all do reflect aspects of what I am feeling. I can be frustrated and then look up at the sky and be in awe. I can be sad and then hear a carol and feel child-like. Maturity is not being on a even keel all the time. Maturity is not holding a single note. Maturity is a complex symphony of emotions with a broad range. Depth,breadth, and the ability to recognize when a single pure note is needed or when a chord is required are all part of my life's song. So, even though, I struggled with minor chords over Christmas, I still felt joy and caroled and cavorted. Here are some of those moments:
Looking up at the sky on New Year's Eve
Having a Christmas story read aloud to me
Cooking Christmas dinner and timing it so everything came to the table hot
Hearing one of my daughters exclaim "I like Christmas lights"
Listening to the piano player at Jasper Park Lodge play Vince Guaraldi's A Charlie Brown Christmas
Getting to a hotel room and finding a murphy bed
Stuffing stockings and opening mine
Seeing others' joy in the gifts that I gave
Finding pictures in the foam of a latte
Being with loved ones, especially on the 23,24,25th
Stuffing stockings and opening mine
Seeing others' joy in the gifts that I gave
Finding pictures in the foam of a latte
Being with loved ones, especially on the 23,24,25th
Splitting firewood
Gazing at the little tree with ornaments made by my children over 20 years ago
Chasing a friend down a hill with skis on
Gazing at the little tree with ornaments made by my children over 20 years ago
Chasing a friend down a hill with skis on
Reflecting on the meaning of Christmas alone in my room
Drinking a perfect cup of tea
Lying in savasana at the end of yoga class and hearing the instructor say "choose love, not fear"
Drinking a perfect cup of tea
Lying in savasana at the end of yoga class and hearing the instructor say "choose love, not fear"
Choose love, not fear. A good mantra for the New Year.
Namaste,
Ginny
2 comments:
Ginny - big hug to you. Miss seeing you at VIRG.
I feel that way too! But some of mine has to do with hormones.....from my steriod shot...which makes me have my period for over a month.....I want to cry and laugh at the same time....I want to rage and scream and surprise feel elated all at the same time....I want to worry about money and feel lucky about how much I love my life all at the same time....love ya
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