I am also feeling sad because a place where, in the past, I have felt free and have regarded as a place of escape, now feels like a prison. I am not imagining a change in the vibe. The change is real and it is not in me but in someone who I regarded as a friend. I understand her unhappiness and her reactions to me but that does not mean that I can be treated as if I do not exist. In the past, I would have blamed myself and gone on a tirade inside my head about what I could have done differently.
There is nothing I could have done differently. I can not control my friend's thoughts. They are hers, not mine. What I can control ( or at least observe) are my own thoughts. The reason that I am writing today is that I am blaming myself a little. I am using the Byron Katie method of asking myself "what is true?" What is true is that I went to Switzerland. What is true is that I traveled to Calgary and enjoyed a training session. What is true is that I love being outdoors and hearing the sounds of children and the wind blowing. What is also true is that I like teaching skiing and teaching at the university. The list could go on...What is true is that I am not a slacker. I am not all about me. What is true is that I have learned to do what makes me happy and I am learning not to let others' thoughts interfere with that happiness.
Just writing this down makes me feel better. If the situation persists, and the place continues to feel like a prison, I know what to do. Shed the shackles and fly where I feel free. I may choose to shed my light in place that suddenly feels dark, or I may choose a brighter place. I have a choice and I know for sure that I am going to that I am going to "let that little light of mine shine".
