Musings on feet and music

I have lots of things to blurt out today. First, I went to yoga which in and of itself isn't unusual. Today, however, my feet started cramping even before class began. A horizontal strip across the bridge of my foot, just underneath my toes clenched and unclenched. As it released, the pain moved to my inner arch. The cramps were more pronounced on my right side. I asked myself if the cramps were due to dehydration. The answer was no, so I focused on relaxing and forgot about the cramps until a few poses into class.

Awkward pose - well named with three parts. During the first part, you squat. That went fine for me today. During the second part, you stand on your tiptoes as high as possible and then bend knees and hips to move down as if sitting. My toes would not let me stand on them. I tried to move forward onto the tips. One calf cramped; then the other; then all the toes. I kept moving into my toes but kept coming out of the pose. The third part in which you rise slightly on your toes with your knees together and then lower down was cramp-free.

My intention in yoga class yesterday was to "let go". Let go of the tension inside of me. Let go of past hurts. Let go of all the things that are tight and impeding me. Surrender to what is. I felt progress yesterday so my intention today was the same. Suddenly, in class today, I realized why I was cramping. My mind was saying "let go", but my body (specifically my toes, arches, and calves) were tightening, clinging to the tension. Usually, it is the other way round, with my brain leading, but the message was clear to me. I am letting go but it is gradual. Let it be. My body knows the way.

Music inspires me and I look forward to the August Folk Fest with anticipation. There is a sense of community energy that is hard to find during the rest of the year. The line-up for this year's folk fest was announced today and I just spent hours listening to music by artists I haven't heard and exploring the websites of those I know. I discovered that a favorite musician who is also a producer worked with one of my favorite bands on their new album which is to be released next month. The collaboration is a mix of traditional and edginess. It'll be cool and as I listened to the digital tracks, I relaxed, feet and all.

Gripping the ground

I'm not a naturally relaxed person (surprise, surprise!) so over the past few years, I 've become very conscious of checking with my body to see where I sense tension. I am feeling it in my toes and feet, so much so, that I just wish they could they could relax. I am gripping the ground, toes curled in, achilles tendon and heels slightly lifted, weight on the balls of my feet.

The good news is that I am aware. The bad news is that there is nothing I can do. Yoga and relaxation tapes just intensify the feeling. Whatever is causing me to grip and ground with the edges of my toes is in me and will come out with allowing, not trying. I was curious as to what could be causing this new/old feeling so I investigated some reflexology websites. I'm not convinced that the feelings that I have are related to the energy meridians associated with my vital organs. Let me re-phrase that...I'm not convinced that I understand how what I am feeling and what is going on in my life is related to the energy meridians associated with these particular vital organs.

Maybe I am gripping to stay where I am, trying to resist change. Maybe I recognize that I am falling forward into change and haven't fully allowed it. Maybe I am trying to stay grounded as change occurs. My toes are saying " stay, stay" while the rest of me wants to get up and go. Is that true? It seems so. All three wordings imply the same thing. Change is occuring and I want to stay rooted. It is time for another gardening metaphor. A rootbound plant doesn't thrive. Transplanting to a better location or bigger pot causes temporary shock but luxuriant growth follows. I need to let go of these roots so even stronger ones can grow. This is why the feeling is new/old. I have been through it before. In the past, I was uprooted through storms of change. This time, the impetus for growth is within me. My toes are still curled, but I think I'm on to something, and it's not just the ground.

Namaste,
Ginny

Being a change

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

I can change the world
With my own two hands
Make a better place
With my own two hands
Make a kinder place
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

I can make peace on earth
With my own two hands
I can reach out to you
I can clean up the earth
With my own two hands

I'm gonna make it a brighter place
I'm gonna make it a safer place
I"m gonna help the human race
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

With my own two hands
I can comfort you
With my own two hands
But you got to use
Use your own two hands
Use your own
Use your own two hands - Ben Harper

"Be the change that you want to see in the world." I see this quote from Mahatma Gandhi on a daily basis. Friends sign their e-mails with it; the quote is on the wall at the yoga studio where I practice. I also listen to this song by Ben Harper on a regular basis. Recently, I realized that these are not aspirations. They are happening. I am making a change in the world and I am doing it with my own two hands. This is true, not just for me, but for many of us.

It is exciting to realize that change is happening. The scale might not be grand but the impact may be. What helped me realize that I am making a difference? Small ordinary conversations - some while walking the dog, others while weeding the front garden, still others waiting in a line of some sort. For example, yesterday as I was walking around the block, one of my neighbors was tilling up soil. I complimented him on his yard, saying that there can never be too many flowers in the world. He looked at me and asked "Which house is yours? I told him and he said "Ah, yours is the one with the Livingstone daisies in the front. I saw them last year and have about 100 seedlings growing now."

It's a small thing but knowing that planting a flower gave such enjoyment to another that they are doing the same makes me feel humble and happy. Gardening is powerful magic, healing the people who plant and till and weed, and feeding the souls of those who observe with beauty. Our actions are like gardening. Each smile is a seed for another, each opening of a lane in traffic to another car is an opening of our hearts, each kind act roots us more in today and provides the strength for tomorrow. So... I may not know which change I am being on any given day, but to know that I make a difference is inspiration to keep learning and being. And so may it be for others.

Still sorting

I am still sorting things out. Some things seem destined not to occur, or at least not now, but even those things are not sorted out. To put things into mundane perspective, one of the things I am considering is moving to a new home. I called a real estate agent ten days ago to look at two homes on the market. We set a tentative date and time of 1:00 Wednesday afternoon. At noon, on that Wednesday, I hadn't heard from the agent so I called her. Lots of apologies and excuses and a new date and time was set - Tuesday May 13. Yesterday came and went and no call from the real estate agent.

So, does this mean that I am not meant to move? Probably not, although a part of me wants to say so. Does this mean that I am not meant to use this real estate agent? Yes. She's fired and doesn't even know it. Does this mean that I am not meant to buy either one of those houses? Maybe yes, maybe no. Sometimes I think I try to read entrails where there are none.

I am still sorting out work. I conscientiously pointed out that a revised proposal was two weeks overdue. Executives sprang into action...or more precisely, meetings are being held and words being written down. Tomorrow I am meeting with a different company to discuss a proposal that I have put forward. The challenge for me in the midst of these uncertain opportunities is to stay true to what I believe. I believe in not anticipating the outcomes (waaaay easier to write than to do) and I believe in listening not to logic but to my intuition when the time is right to make a decision.

I have experience in listening to my intuition and having the outcomes be fortuitous. I have experience in not listening to my intuition, and being aware that I was not listening, and having the outcomes be less positive. I know to listen to my intuition. It's just that sometimes it is a very quiet voice and I need to quiet many other thoughts to get to that inner sage.

The other thoughts surround my family. My mother's estate is being settled after a year in probate and my bank doesn't know how to set up the account. The cynic in me is really surprised. The real issue is that, by dealing with her money, I am thinking again about the past. It doesn't matter. Only the present does. I need to be present. Not in the past, not in the future. Now.

So I know what to do. Stay present. Be in the moment. Listen to myself. The hard part is the doing but at least I know.

Namaste,
Ginny

Amateur Love

The stories of Olympic athletes have inspired me since I was a child. I have been motivated by other sporting events but, like many people, the Olympics have a special place in my heart. Part of the inspiration is the very notion the Olympics - the best amateur athletes from around the world come together in a series of contests to foster "sound mind in a sound body" and to promote friendship among nations.

Because of their very nature - the gathering of people from across the world and the consequent attention globally - the Olympics encapsulate the times in which they are held. I like to think that the Olympics are non-political but issues are been present since the modern international event was conceived in 1896. Race issues were prevalent early on. Jim Thorpe and Jesse Owen are almost always identified by race.

War prevented the games from occuring in 1916, 1940, and 1944 but war has been waged in the world during many other Olympic years. Eleven Israeli athletes were killed by Palestinian terrorists in 1972 in Munich. To protest the 1979 Soviet invasion of Afghanistan more than 60 countries, led by the United States, withdrew from the 1980 Summer Games in Moscow. The Soviet Union withdrew from the 1984 Summer Games in Los Angeles. War is going on today in many parts of the world but the Bejing Olympics are still scheduled.

Boycotts have also occured for political reasons. The 1956 Olympics were boycotted by Netherlands, Spain, and Switzerland because of the repression of the Hungarian Uprising by the Soviet Union. In a protest against a New Zealand rugby tour of South Africa about 30 African nations boycotted the 1976 Summer Games in Montreal, To counter the U.S. boycott in 1980, the Soviet Union withdrew from the Los Angeles Olympics in 1984.

From a small beginning of less than 250 athletes (which was still one of the largest sporting events ever held) to over 11,000 athletes and 16,000 broadcasters and journalists (and more countries participating than in the United Nations), the Olympics has opened itself to the world.

I want to believe in the indomitable spirit of the athletes and the demonstration of grace that athletes, engaging in what they love, convey. I want to believe the Olympics are non-political and at an individual level, I think most athletes do represent the Olympic spirit. I am troubled by this year's torch relay. Protests have plagued the torch run, and I am sad that the Chinese have chosen to carry the torch to the summit of Everest.

To make the climb possible, China relied on technology, and Nepal to close key routes to other climbers. The torch was carried up the southern side of Everest from Nepal to the summit while the descent was down the north face through Tibet. The fact that most of the climbers representing China are Tibetan is small solace. China and the IOC were aware of the political impact and, indeed, shrouded the timing of the summit with secrecy and did not incorporate the climb into the on-going route of the torch. I understand the imagery -the torch, representing the peak of amateur athleticism, sparking the sky above the earth's pinnacle. The two should not have been twinned. The gesture is not grand. The gesture is that of a bully.

My hope is that all the individuals involved in this year's Olympics participate ,and participate as "amateurs", whether they are athletes, officials, volunteers, journalists, broadcasters, or spectators. Love is global and grand.

Namaste,
Ginny

Sorting things out

Sometimes when my mind becomes over-active, I muddle things into a ball. I think "If I do this, I can't do that, but I want to do that, but if I do that, then this will become more difficult. And what about this? And what about that?" And so on and so on, until I am a twisted mess. I was heading down this path yesterday, conscious that I was doing so, but still mixing and twisting things that don't belong together, and I decided to write.

This was a good idea. I wrote, stream of consciousness, and discovered clarity. I wrote: "I've got lots of mixed feelings going on...I tend to lump all the stuff into a ball and instead of looking at the opportunities ( which is really what I have in front of me), I get frozen worrying about the future if I pick this one or that one. For now, all I can do is pursue the opportunities. Today there are no decisions. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. Time will untangle this mixed-up ball of feelings. I know that."

Things are untangling. I ran into someone at yoga who I wished to see. A tentative appointment to look at a new home has been postponed but that's okay. I am not ready today but I will be. Other tasks seem less daunting. I have given myself permission "not to know", not to know with certainty where I will be living next fall, what the major source of my income will be, what activities I will be involved in. The irony is that, even if I think I know, I don't.

The only thing I know for certain is that I am happier, more "me" when I sit with myself and listen to my intuition. In addition, I am going to implement some life coaching advice and create a vision board of things that resonate with me. I know that on the board will be a letter I wrote to myself today that will say "open in January" as a reminder to me, that when I get busy, to stop, go to yoga, just be and breathe.

Breath

I learned to breathe when I was over 40 years old. I really did. Prior to that I was inhaling and exhaling but I was not consicous of breath, of its life force. I would breathe open-mouthed with shallow inhalations, never deep into my belly. From time to time, I would try to breathe with my mouth shut but I felt like I was suffocating, like I couldn't breathe. I attributed my inability to breathe through my nose to my nose. I thought I was naturally congested and had a vague recollection of an allergist when I was a child, suggesting so. And so, I believed.

I remember the first time my belly expanded with breath. I was in yoga class. I was in savasana, not a pose in which instructors generally comment or adjust, but that day, Melissa saw the contraction and expansion and drew my attention to it. I am grateful. I can fall into old patterns of stress-breathing but the knowledge of how a deep breath feels is with me and I know its calming effect.

Today, Melissa taught her last class at our yoga studio, at least for a while. She is moving to another city and it is a passage for her and the yogis she has influenced. The class was fun, with experienced practioners alternating between focus and pulling fun on Melissa. We all laughed together - all fifty of us, some taking her yoga class for the first time, others for the nth time.

Namaste, Melissa, and thank you for accidentally stepping on my loose toenail today when we hugged. Just another way in which you help me shed layers of myself....