Lasagne

Earlier tonight I was climbing at the rock gym. I was climbing a route that is easy for me, one that I have done many times. I was moving over a corner and I heard a voice from beneath telling me where to put my hand. I heard another voice suggesting that I position my right foot on a hold near my thigh. The same voice then said (I thought), "Lasagne".

At that point, I fell off the tower laughing. I was on top rope belay so as I hung suspended in the air, I asked " What was that about lasagne?" One of the climbers who had been watching me, responded " I said the spectators were on you". "Spectators were on you". "Lasagne". Say them out loud fast and maybe my mistake becomes apparent.

The real reason that I fell off the tower wasn't that I heard a word out of context. I fell because I knew people were watching me and I was self conscious. Self consciousness is a fear which I haven't yet written about but it is a fear that has plagued me and inhibited me through much of my life. I'm learning that the solution is to play with the fear, to invite self consciousness in and then tease it and be silly. Laughing helps turn the fear into fun. How could I stay self conscious hanging by a rope in the middle of a gym talking about lasagne and laughing at myself?