Fee, Fi, Fo, Fear

Physical fear is easy to understand. I know what it is like to ride a bicycle and catch a barefoot pinkie toe on a rock as I round a corner. I know what it is like to caroom down a paved hill on rollerblades, miss the turn, and slide into pavement and grass. I know what it is like to have road rash oozing through clothes making it difficult to sit. I know what it is like to have a bruise as big as a basketball on my thigh and have it last for four months. And I've been lucky.

Emotional fear is more difficult to understand. When I first began my journey from fear into fun, I recall a therapist asking me "what was I afraid of ?" He asked the question because I was frozen with fear, unable to move, unable to change or grow. I had no answer. Intellectually, I knew that any answer I gave had a rebuttal, but the fear that resided in me was primal, emotional, and impervious to logic.

I began to break through my emotional fear by acting on my physical fears, and through physicality become connected again to my self. I came across a quote "As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. Jump. It is not as wide as you think" - Joseph Campbell. Just imagining life in terms of movement helped me break free.

With movement and freedom, I began to see my fears. I feared that I was not good enough. I feared that I might fall, that I might fail, and especially that I might not fall (my obfuscating but very true way of saying that I am afraid to succeed). The first time that I heard a friend say that she feared that she was "too much", I did not understand. I am moving toward understanding that fear now. This quote from Nelson Mandela has helped:

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

Nelson Mandela is right. It is scary to let our own light shine and yet other people, famous and otherwise, do it all the time. When I see Bruce Springsteen perform live, I sense his joy and
others become happier. When I watch figure skaters or skiers glide effortlessly, I move in synchronicity. When I watch "The Dancing Boy" move to the beat of his music and that of traffic on Edmonton street corners, his light shines and others become happier. I know that I am scared to let my light shine. This is the fear that inhibits me most right now, but I do know that when I break through that fear, I feel joy. And so, when I teach skiing, when I teach university classes, when I am with family and friends, when I rock climb or when I write, I know I am successful when I shine with who I am. Shine on.

Namaste,
Ginny