I am not my job, my accomplishments, my labels...

Last week, I dipped my toe into corporate waters and nosed into the future. I had applied for a full time permanent position that built on my twenty years of business development. During a preliminary interview, the recruiter asked "Imagine you have accepted this position and are travelling on an airplane. I am sitting next to you and ask what you do. How would you answer?" My reply was that I would answer as I have for many years - that I would say that I do many things, one of which is working for organization X.

I did not get the job. As I reflect on the interview and the process, I realize that I have come a long way since I last worked corporately. My definition of success has changed. My definition of leadership has changed. I have changed.

I had applied for this same position a few years ago and was short-listed. When I did not receive the job offer, I blamed myself. I felt that I had not performed well enough in the interview, that I was not good enough. I believe in the mandate of the organization. I genuinely believe that I could lead it effectively, however, this time I am not disappointed. I answered honestly and am proud that I showed who I am.

In the past, I did define myself by my job and accomplishments. Now I don't. Sometimes, I miss the shortcut and ease that this provides but other times, I am amused when people try to place where I fit. Two weeks ago, I met a fellow who couldn't figure out my social status, even asking what the square footage of my house was. I enjoyed playing with my reply and told him the colours of my walls rather than the number he was looking for. (There was a slight guilt pang but it was fun.)

I am realizing yet again just how pervasive fear can be. While I was confident that I was being true to myself, job-wise, I felt uncomfortable and anxious in the days following. I yearned to drive my children to school again (an unrealistic yearning since they are adults and have been for a while). I worried about my retirement. I agonized about how the value of my home might drop if a proposed high voltage transmission line were built nearby. I was living in my head...in the past and in the future.

A passage from "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle reminded me of what I know but do not always do. Be in the moment. Interestingly, now that I am paying more attention, I notice that I have a crick in my neck which I often take as a sign that my mind is disconnected from my body. The crick has not disappeared but is lessening. The integration of mind and body that sport provides to me so beautifully is becoming more available in each moment. I am grateful for this and all the lessons that life provides. I am not my job, my accomplishments, my labels. I am me, a human being.

Namaste,

Ginny