Success

Nearly a year ago in preparation for a workshop, I was asked to write several stream-of-consciousness paragraphs about a topic I found compelling. I wrote about success. When I re-read what I wrote, I see seeds of learning that have since germinated. Growth is occuring.

Here is what I wrote last July:

"Society values success. We all want to be successful, but do we know what it is? For many years, I thought I would be successful if I climbed the corporate ladder. I didn’t want to be President of a large company; Executive or Senior Vice-President would be fine. I now believe that if I had gotten that role, it would be at a large personal cost. I would probably be working too much, skipping meals and eating too much at night, and not enjoying life. Externally successful; internally anguished.

A Canadian Olympic swimmer who I worked with once confided that he hated swimming, that his father drove him to it, and that when his swimming career was over, he was happy for the first time. Is coming in fourth success?? Is success being thin? Is success living in a nice house or driving a nice car? Is success having successful children (whatever that means)?

Success sometimes seems to be black and white – either you are or you are not successful. Success seems externally driven, based on other’s perceptions. You seldom know how that person you perceive as successful perceives himself.

I believe that success is not black and white. There can be a single moment or outcome that is “success” but success is accompanied by other moments. I successfully completed an axel (but how many times did I fall in trying). I successfully sold my car (but what the heck does that mean except that I sold it). I succeeded in raising $2000 for charity (but was that success? What if my target was $20,000?)

When I was in a group therapy session with other women, I commented that I thought they should give medals for overcoming challenges like abuse, alcoholism, addiction. So the next Christmas, one of the group members gave each of us one of her synchronized skating medals. The group fell apart shortly after and I haven’t seen that woman since the day she gave me my medal. I hope that she now views herself as successful. That’s all that matters.

Success is individual and ephemeral. When an individual truly has an internal picture of success, success builds on success. Ideally, success is learning, success is achieving an outcome and then moving on to the next desired outcome and trying and getting it or not, and then trying again. The most successful people wear their medals on the inside. "

The seeds that have flourished are these:

• Externally successful; internally anguished. Here I am beginning to separate my achievements and my situation from me.
• There can be a single moment or outcome that is success but "success" is accompanied by other moments. My view is evolving on this....I am realizing that success IS the moment, not the moment before and not the moment after. Success is not an outcome. Success is being in the moment. This is an area of continuous attention for me. I am able to be in the moment, but I still have many moments when I am not present and I still have some moments where I am far far away.
• Success builds on success. Being in the moment does build on itself. I know this. Ease follows.
• Success is individual and ephemereal. How can it be otherwise?

I also wonder whether this is a case of the etymology of language influencing perception, expectations and action. The word from latin succedere - roots "sub" meaning "go under" and "cedere" go along. The word's early meaning is : to follow, to inherit, especially to inherit the monarchy. The association of success with money and status is rooted in the word's history. Success has indeed built on success. Eckhart Tolle imagined the earth without the word "work " in The Power of Now . I feel the same way about the word "try". I'm adding "success" to that list of words. As our society grows, so will our ability to express true meaning.