Caught

I was caught, twice this week, leaving yoga class. There I was sweating among 20 or 30 other people and I left. I didn't leave the room. I left the moment and I was caught.

The first time that it happened I was moving from a front down savasana into the next pose. I do Bikram yoga, which is the same 26 poses every time, so I know the routine. Somehow (actually I know how) my mind stopped listening to the dialog and I found myself upright on my knees with my hands on the small of my back. It took another moment before I realized that I was one pose too early. I chuckled quietly to myself and moved into the correct sequence but the instructor and I exchanged glances as we both knew that my automatic pilot had shifted in gear and then gave me away.

Today in class I was very present at the outset. I was coughing and assessing how my body felt as a result of a mild cold. I could feel the tightness in my shoulders as a result of rock climbing two days in a row. I could feel my hamstrings and glutes stretch as we warmed up. We then shifted from the standing series to the floor series. The instructor varied slightly from the dialogue and commented that the floor series presents new challenges, that since we take savasana between each pose, we have more opportunities for our minds to shift into gear. I listened, agreed, and decided that wouldn't happen to me.

Ha!...I was midway through the floor series, laying in savasana and heard the instructor say "Ginny, are you sleeping?" I nodded, realizing that I had momentarily closed my eyes. Then I heard him say "Cathy really doesn't like you that much" and I realized that I was laying face turned in the wrong direction, nose to another's nose, removing any privacy from the person on the mat next to me. I laughed out loud as I become conscious just how far away I had slipped.

Several things have become clear to me as a result of practicing yoga this week. Staying in the moment continues to be a challenge and, ironically, I am catching myself leaving when I believe I am most present. Staying present in yoga class is not to be taken for granted. Chuckling and laughing when caught is a new reaction for me. In the past when I received feedback to do something differently I would strain and try too hard. I became heavy. Maybe I am still not present as much as I believe I am but I am grateful for this new lighthearted response. Rather than feeling caught, I feel a light shining the way.