Expectations vs. intentions

The last time that I went rock climbing, I climbed really well. I was telling a group of friends just that and one asked "What does climbing well mean?"

Good question. It's not like there are time trials or judges. Even route grades are controversial. What is easy for one person is not so easy for another, whether it is a 5.7 or a 5.11b. When I say I climbed well, I mean that I broke through either a physical or mental limit. It means that I have climbed with my mind quiet and my body active. On that particular night, I climbed a route, that none of my friends have done, top to bottom without stopping. It was the fourth time that I tried the route. I had the benefit of knowing the pattern of movement from my past attempts. There was one moment when I almost stopped but I continued.

I then tried another route that I have climbed many times. Only once have I climbed it without a stop. There are three moves that I find mentally challenging. Physically I can do them all. My self-talk is what inhibits me. I look at the hold out to the right and know that I have to move my foot up and out parallel to my hip. Once I do that, the only parts of me that are close to the wall are my hands, gripping holds, and my feet, placed on hold. When I climb I like to be close to the wall and this position plays on all my fears.

As I made the first move, I was pleased with myself. I was even happier when I made the second difficult move, and at that point, I lost focus and listened to my talk and didn't succeed in making the third move. It's like in yoga when I try to balance just on one foot in toe stand. The instant I realize that I am doing it, I fall out. I am afraid not to fall because that would mean that I would have to stay in toe stand even longer. The expectation is what causes me to fall.

Expectations are inherently a balancing act. If my expectations are too low, I don't reach high enough. If they are too high, I get frustrated. The answer: set intentions not expectations. For me, setting intentions creates challenge but allows me freedom to let my body move and my mind observe. Expectations are more rooted in outcomes, in the future. An intention is set in the present. An expectation is rooted in the past and future. When I climb hold by hold, rather than focusing on the end, I climb more confidently and smoothly. Moment by moment, hold by hold with quiet intent.