Gone Skiing

I'm putting up the "Gone Skiing" sign on my blog. I'm leaving tomorrow for Switzerland and will be skiing for two weeks. I plan on unplugging so I don't expect to post a new entry until my return.

I am so excited about this ski trip. I love the feel of the wind against my face, the smell of the evergreens as I ride the chairlift, the quiet hush of snow falling. I love the little quiver of adrenalin that I feel before launching onto a hard run and the satisfaction when I’ve done it. I love the freedom of movement. I love the sense of being close to out of control but in control when I ski moguls (Oh, no, oh no, oh no… oh I’ve done it!) I love laughing when I’ve fallen in the snow and am wiping the wet stuff off everywhere. I love looking at the mountain cirques and the sky and clouds. I even like it when my toes freeze just enough that they no longer hurt. So, one of the reasons that I'm excited is that I just plain love to ski.

Another reason is that I will be skiing in Switzerland. Ever since I read Heidi as a child, I've been fascinated by Switzerland and the Alps. I love mountains, and Zermatt, where I'm going, is at the foot of the Matterhorn. To make Zermatt even better, there are no cars in town. You take the rail there and then walk, bike or ski (depending on the season). Since Zermatt is at altitude, there is year-round glacier skiing. In October, snow will be falling at the higher altitudes while warm autumn afternoons are still a possibility in town. By going to Switzerland to ski, I am fulfilling a childhood dream.

And, I am excited because I am pursuing another goal - to take my Canadian Ski Instructor Level 3 course and exams (which is an internationally recognized standard). I had planned to take the course last year but wasn't able to finish.

Last winter, I was teaching two university courses and teaching skiing in between classes , and didn’t feel right asking for time off to ski for week so I arranged my year to take the Level 3 course after classes had finished in April. In March, my mother, whose physical condition was never good and had worsened over the past two years, got significantly worse. I initially planned to go see her in the interval between classes ending and my Level 3 course starting, but my brother convinced me it was urgent.. Travel from Edmonton to Florida takes a full day so I went to see her in the first weekend in April, cancelling class on Friday. She was under hospice care but seemed to have several months left to my eye. She was confused sometimes and needed a cane or walker but she dressed for dinner and we went out. My daughters went to see her the following week and she went to the beach club with them on April 5.

I was hopeful, then, that she would last past my course. On Friday April 13, I left the house to pick up another instructor who was taking the course which began on Monday April 16. As I was driving to his house, I received a call from my brother who was on holiday in Florida about two hours south of where my mother lived. He told me that the nurses didn’t expect Mom to survive the weekend.

I skied that weekend and was in constant touch by cell phone. I spoke to my mother on Saturday morning before she fell into a coma. I talked regularly with my brother who had driven up to be with her. He returned to his family on Sunday morning. I headed off to the course on Monday planning to take things one day at a time. We had just started the indoor portion, when my phone rang. My mother had developed a fever and had worsened again. I skied that day, glad to be at Lake Louise, glad to be with others who love life. That Monday night my mother died. My brother said that the funeral would be on Friday and that the family would be arriving in her town on Wednesday.

I told the ski instructor that I was sharing a condo with and no one else on the course. We had driven from Edmonton to Lake Louise in my car, so he arranged for his wife to meet us halfway on Tuesday night so he could have his car and then I would drive his wife back to Edmonton in my car. I participated in the course on Tuesday but my thoughts kept going to my mother. I cried for her when I was alone on a poma tow called “Top of the World” which takes you to the peak of Lake Louise Ski Resort. The view from the top is panoramic and world famous but the tow ride is a bit desolate.

That afternoon, when the course conductor had completed his wind–up, I told my classmates that I would not be able to continue the course with them, that my mother had died and I needed to go. They understood and were supportive and said kind words. I drove home back to Edmonton, caught flights to Florida and joined my family at the funeral. Shortly afterwards, I went back to Florida for a third time to clean out her apartment. Obviously, I was grieving my mother but I also felt the loss of the opportunity to take the Level 3 course.

I was home for two days after cleaning out her apartment when I received an e-mail from the Canadian Ski Instructors Alliance. They were planning a trip to Switzerland to ski in October. It was perfect. One of the things that I have learned through life coaching is that when you experience a loss, you mourn or try to replace what is gone. I mourned my mother but this trip is an opportunity, to not only replace the loss of the course, but, to better it. I have always wanted to ski in Switzerland and the Level 3 course and exams are being given. And so, I am going to Switzerland to ski and there is no doubt that my skiing will be more free, less burdened than it was last April. I am not concerned whether I pass or fail my exams. I love to ski and I love to teach skiing. This is an opportunity to refine my skills in a setting that epitomizes alpine skiing. I will have fun skiing, I will eat pasta on the Italian side of the mountain every day for lunch, I will drink a little bit of wine, I will eat chocolate, I will make new friends. I am happy and grateful for this opportunity. And I'll share my feelings with you when I am back.

Namaste,
Ginny