Itchy healed wounds

I am trying to be honest with myself. It is hard. I know that something is bothering me and, while I can identify potential reasons, none of them feel true. What I know is that I do not feel like the same happy hopeful person that I did a few weeks ago. I know that my temper is short and that I am jealous for no good reason (is there ever a good reason?). I know that whatever is bothering me will pass, but I want this time to hurry up and go by, and I want to get on to the good stuff. Another problem is, that when I feel this way, I anticipate stress and problems. I am dreading the first week in January when I have to reschedule meetings and juggle commitments. I could understand the dread if I were enjoying myself today but I'm not. I have fallen into old patterns, and am not living in the present. I am living in my head.

I am living in my head and my thoughts are what are causing me pain. My thoughts are not real. Yet ironically, just before I wrote that sentence, I was thinking of writing that I am being real - real in the sense of not perfect, real in the sense of experiencing unhappiness, real in the sense of having past wounds heal but itch from time to time. Both are true. I am being real and I am living in my head. And, having written what I have just written, I realize that what is bothering me are my past wounds. They are itching quite badly. So what is the cure? Moisturizer.

Moisturizer is what I would apply to my skin if it were itchy. What is the pychic equivalent? Tears. I have been applying tears. I noticed walking the dog yesterday that my eyes were tearing up. I held back tears when talking to a friend. I forced tears into anger earlier in the day, and last night in the darkness, I finally let go and cried hard. This morning I have cried softly. And now that I realize that I was being a hard, brittle sponge and that salt water through tears and sweat is the cure, I have softened again and am pliable and strong. It is strange how a realization, how a thought (but a different thought) can change how I feel. I feel better now.