The beginning of a wild journey

I have a book, well, I can barely call it a book anymore, which was one of the first that consciously started me on my journey from fear into fun. The book is "Women who Run with the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. The reason that I can barely call it a book is that I have read it many times over the past ten years - on airplanes, in bed, and most frequently in the bathtub. Between being waterlogged and well-thumbed, the paperback book is now aged yellow and in many pieces. I have bought multiple copies of the book but have given them away, keeping my own ragged one as a talisman.

It is no wonder that this book has so much meaning for me. It is comprised of stories told through myth, folk and fairy tale that illuminate the consistent nature and stages of life of women across generations. For example, there is a section describing "Homing: Returning to Onself." The story here is a version of the Celtic Selkie and is called Sealskin:Soulskin. The return of intuition is described in Vasalia and finding one's own pack in the Ugly Duckling. Clarissa Pinkola Estes tells these classic stories and others in a riveting and inimitable manner and then provides Jungian insight into why these stories are so powerful, why they sear deep into our pysches and why we need them to stay true to ourselves, to our essential selves, to our wild and natural selves.

As a child who felt isolated, I found solace in books. They were my source of education and nuturing. They were my mother. I read voraciously and among my selections were classics, myth and fairy tales. As a teenager, I continued to read myth, fantasy and fairy tales and, as an adult, I still do. I believe that these stories hold truth for us and that, especially in our culture where we are bombarded with noise and messages, we need the stories that our foremothers told and that their foremothers told and that their foremothers told.

The premise of "Women who Run with the Wolves" is that the feminine instinctive nature is endangered. To me, this instinctive nature is akin to what Martha Beck calls our internal compass, our internal North Star. We need our instincts to live the life we are meant to. For me, I am a woman who also longs for the wild. I am still scared to be called " wild" but to live in the wild, to follow the call of the wild makes my heart sing and my feet dance. "Women who Run with the Wolves" tells stories from our past when we did live in the wild and then helps me understand how they apply to my present.

Initially, I dove into the book, reading front cover to back. This reflected where I was in my personal development at the time. I was looking for answers and I was thinking linearly. Now, I know the book well enough that I turn to certain sections for reassurance or new insight. Sometimes, I just find a page and let what is on it guide me for a time.

Through time, I have learned that it is more than okay, that it is necessary, to say to the world and family , "give me some time and grace to be by myself, to restore my spirit " and then come back, refreshed and light. Through time, I have learned that tears are healing, that to quote Martha Beck, "you don't cry when you lose hope, you cry when you get it back". Through time, I have learned to ask for dreams. Through time, I have sussed out the meaning of many night dreams and have seen some of my deepest, highest reaching dreams come true. Through time, I have learned that there is always time, time enough to do what you want to do, be what you want to be, if only you feel.