Looking Forward

When I was skiing at Lake Louise, we were asked to be especially conscious to look forward as we skied down one run. I noticed that keeping my head up is not natural for me. I realized that I have a habit of tucking my chin into my jacket. At the time, I attributed it to years of protecting myself from the wind by hunkering down into my clothes and pulling my shoulders up. I also realized that I felt taller, stronger and more balanced when I looked forward.

Looking forward must be something that I am meant to do right now, because today in yoga, the instructor asked me to look forward. This has never happened before. In yoga, you are asked to be your own teacher in terms of both physical alignment and personal growth. Several years ago, I had difficulty looking at myself in the mirror. I developed a hazy gaze which gave the appearance of looking forward but which hid the fact that I was hiding from myself. Gradually, I learned to look forward when I had two feet planted on the ground. However, I was aware that there are two poses which specifically require you to look forward and not down as you move through them. They are both poses in which you balance first on one leg and then the other. I do them using a spot point for balance but rather than looking forward into the mirror for my point, I look down to the carpet.

I was in one of the poses today when the instructor asked me to lift my chin and turn my head slightly to the right to look forward at her. I smiled, lifted my chin, and turned my head. I had a similar physical response to the one I had skiing - I felt taller, stronger and more balanced.

The synchronicity of being asked to look forward in two different sports within the span of a few days struck me and I begin to think about my downward gaze. It is not just with me in sports. Almost every photograph of me as a child and adolescent shows me, head slightly turned, chin tucked down. In the past year, I've been conscious of this and lifted my chin for the camera, the result being pictures that feature too much neck. I still have not found a natural pose, looking foward at the camera. Why is this? This is because I am self conscious. There is an inherent irony in being self conscious, yet unable to look straight forward at yourself. I am conscious of myself but cannot look at myself. I know that in the past I was afraid of what I might see. I know now that I almost always like what I see. So, I am beginning to look forward and, as with many changes, have occasionally over-corrected (chin way up, too much neck). Simply by being aware I will begin to look forward more naturally.

There is another inherent irony in the phrase, look forward. It sounds like advice not to be present in the today, not to be in the moment. This is not what looking forward means. It means greeting yourself in the here and now. It means recognizing the beauty and complexity of the present and who you are. It means looking yourself in the eye and smiling, and then feeling your neck and shoulders relax. It is a way of truly being.

Namaste,
Ginny